ego + mahinhin

I can't seem to find an English term that would exactly fit mahinhin. I used the Google language tools option and it gave me 'modes' as its direct translation and a list of 19 other words below it that could be used for mahinhin. I wish I could show a screen shot of the page, but being the great computer whiz I am, it would be better that you try out the process yourself.

Ha ha ha =)

Let's keep mahinhin in the title, okay? Today's topic is all about ego and mahinhin because of this present dilemma I'm trying to figure out. Yes, oo naman, it has something to do with lovelife---my most favorite topic ever!!! (after fashion, of course)

On the eve of Easter Sunday last year, I was crying pails and buckets over the end of my 16-month relationship with my boyfriend. Being the naive person I am, I always had the feeling that he was the perfect man for me. Like we'd raise our children together and live happily ever after.

Easter Sunday, Araw ng Pagkabuhay, taught me that my vision only remained true in fairytales. Ironic how on this day my life almost fell apart; not only was I suffering from a break-up but also a transition to a new life back in Saudi as I was getting on a plane 5pm that afternoon. Imagine the stress I went through as I tried to pack and fit my life in 30 kilos. It was a horrid ordeal that I never wished anyone go through.

But as God always promised sunshine after the rain, I met this interesting man on April 19, 2009. I went to my father's office and there he was, my knight in shining armor with stars and glitters all around. Gosh, why did I even think twice about moving back to Saudi??? It was like an omen telling me not to be so harsh about moving back here again (yeah, I've been living here since I was 3; so I live Saudi, eat Saudi, drink Saudi, and everything else Saudi--except for my nationality and some values) and that there are better and brighter things to look forward to.

A few weeks after we were introduced, I got up the courage to ask him to help me get employed. Being the dalagang Filipina that I am, I found it super difficult to ask him. Of course there are culture barriers and norms between us, but I told myself, "What the heck! I need to be employed asap." And in all fairness to him, I would like to think that he did his best to help to me. I didn't get any callbacks from the hospitals he told me he'd given my CV to, but it's okay--there's no point rubbing it in, right?

So yeah we remained in contact for some weeks, sending messages back and forth saying hi, but it never went any further than that. I don't know if it had something to do with the both of us being timid or the circumstances in the office (my dad is his boss)  or just one of us being brutally uninterested. There was even a time when we didn't have any contact for a couple months, which ended when I did see him walk past the Surgery Clinic's waiting area one afternoon.

Since then, we've been constantly communicating; much more than how we did before. And what struck me most was the last set of text messages we sent each other yesterday. Being the most unsuspecting and upfront person that I am, I wasn't really able to read all the words in his text message until later when I arrived home.

Background: I was interviewed last Wednesday in MDH and I was telling all my friends about it. These messages all happened just before and after the job interview. (MH=Mai Hua; KSA=Knight in Shining Armor not Kingdom of Saudi Arabia)

Wednesday night:
MH: Interview in 10 minutes..... Wish me luck sweeeeties! Update y'all later :D
KSA: Hope that you do well!! Wish you all the best!!!
MH:Done!! Now, I seriously don't know what to do. I'll tell you about it later, will you be around or heading out?

Saturday morning:
KSA: Good morning. Sorry I wasn't around. How was your interview and what did you choose?
MH: Heyy.. How are you? How was the weekend? Well I declined the offer since they couldn't guarantee an employment certificate two years after I work with them. Mafi faheeda (no benefit) for Aramco in the future.
KSA: Hii!! Wasn't bad how was yours?.. Ok, but at least its a job!! Aramco is not everything!!
MH: I went to the beach this weekend, water was cold but the sun was great! I think you forgot about MGH's offer, so I might go home April 3. :D
KSA: Okaa. Wish you a good luck :D

And that was the end of it! I dunno if you could call it a tragic death, but his last reply didn't sound right. And one of his messages only occurred to me after dinner at home. Why made him say, "Aramco is not everything!!" and how could I have missed such a sentence with huge meaning???

What made him say that? ...... and What did he mean????

I was so bugged by the comment that I had to go online. Thankfully two reliable friends were online. Here's a summary of their advice:
Friend A: Well, I guess he just wanted to keep you here, like you start working and all... Have a job and begin a future, it didn't matter if the target was Aramco or not, just the fact that you are here is what matters. Maybe he got sad when you said you're leaving soon, like all his efforts have gone to waste or something. He probably didn't understand that you were gonna come back.
Friend B: Maybe he said that Aramco isn't everything because he doesn't want to help you out anymore. He just couldn't tell you directly how he felt towards helping you. I mean like, when you talk to him it's always only about you being employed right? I guess he doesn't want to feel responsible for anything, and he didn't know how to say it in any other way...you know, the male ego!!??? 

Anybody in their right mind would advise me to ask him directly what he meant. But sorry folks, I'm too mahinhin or lady-like and unpretentious to do such a brave thing. Yeah I can ramp in front of hundreds of talent scouts but this one, asking a man what was on his mind, made me raise the white flag without even thinking twice!!

I swear it's so insane!

So now, I have a problem with miscommunication and the way a person view's me. It's funny thinking that he didn't really mean anything bad while I'm sitting here typing out this post so worried about what he meant. Inshallah this ego vs mahinhin situation is gonna end soon, but until then, its gonna be like this cartoon:

I really wish that God will give us an opportunity to talk and clarify this issue. Bless my friendship with KSA and I'll update once this haze clears up.