don't rub it in

The sandstorm really killed my class today. I was expecting 11 children to come, but only one brave soldier came out of the haze. Thankfully, she was already a teenager and it wasn't difficult to teach her the core modelling techniques. No kids running around like crazy and no hesitations about whether I was teaching something too advanced for their age.

I woke up this morning to a very sick mother. She came down with the flu plus her vertigo came back. Mom's appetite wasn't good in the morning either, which is why I decided to spend the morning at home with her. I wasn't supposed to leave her until I got an email from Dhahran Recreation saying that I'm gonna have a class at 11am. So much for being mom's private duty nurse.

While getting ready, my mom asked me if I could get my last physical exam done in Aramco before I leave to the Philippines. I stared blankly at her, not believing that my flight's next Saturday already. She's like, "Uhhh.. yeah! You have to finish packing by Friday night honey."

The fact that I have to go just kills me. I don't feel like the same me I was yesterday. At first I thought April was ages away.. but guess what!? March has only four days left!! I'm beginning to feel sad and unsure again. Sad because I'm going to leave such a wonderful family that has taken great care of me since June 2009 and unsure because it's a new chapter in my life. I am taking this transition as positively as possible... I know it's a good change and I'll make it through.

What's interesting about my life is that I seem to be moving into great big changes every Easter Sunday. This is like the second in a row, and I feel it's a blessing...a true blessing from God. Last year, I broke up with my boyfriend and traded everything I had in the Philippines to nothing for Saudi Arabia. Well, at that time it seemed like nothing for me since I wasn't gonna get employed soon, no boyfriend, no more grad school... nothing! Just home, parents and chores. What I didn't foresee was the great big door of opportunities that was opened as I got here. I got to volunteer in two hospitals and establish a great circle of reliable friends. Also, I was able to strengthen my relationship with the folks--which was the best thing ever. =)

So yeah I'm leaving and it's a tough reality. It just gets a little annoying when people have to say it over and over again!! Well I do give them the benefit since they're not all from one circle of friends, but yes... it does hurt when they keep rubbing it in.

I may not be able to post as frequently as I do, but surely I'll write once I get to the Philippines.. Wish me strength and luck!!!

Blah Blah Blah

I seriously need to get this off my chest!! Yesterday, during one of the intermissions of the fashion show, I played the song 'Blah Blah Blah' by Kesha as a request of some of my students which unintentionally drew 1-2 violent reactions from the audience. Now, the concerned parent warned me about it although she wasn't able to mention names as she couldn't quite remember. But what amazed me was how she was able to quote some lines of the song herself... All she needed to tell me was that it was her and her hubby who didn't like it. LOL =)

Here's the video of the song:



Sorry I dunno how to adjust the dimensions of the video to fit the posting area of my block. But I think it's good enough to watch. LOL

Yes I do understand where this mother is coming from. Maybe it's coz we're in Saudi and the hitcharts don't arrive until weeks later, that explains why this song is still unheardof. But in the Billboard Hot 100, it is currently #15 and on its 11th week, if I'm not mistaken. And people mind you, the Billboard charts originate from the country this mother comes from, so it's not about crossing the line of cultures here!!!

Now, I'm not trying to defend the lyrics of the song or my students' choice of music; instead, what I'm trying to point out here is that people should open their minds more and welcome different expressions of arts and performance. I know these children are still small, but is it technically alright to keep them uninformed of what's going on outside the world their parents are trying to create?? Teenage moms are sprouting out all over the place, some even as young as 12; although media plays a huge role on this, parents could take it as a positive warning and begin to get their kids prepared to grow up!

I'm grateful my parents never kept me in the dark about sensitive issues surrounding growing up and making babies, as a matter of fact, since I was seven, I have known that babies are created when.....oh nevermind, I wouldn't wanna get all descriptive in my blog! Ha ha ha!

Back to topic!!! This mother told me all this right after the fashion show, the music was still playing, lights were on, and other parents were still taking pictures of their daughters on stage. I, on the other hand, was hellah tired with a stomach growling like crazy. At some point it was like a kick and punch to my face since I have worked so hard--without an assistant!--and it seemed like the smallest mistake ruined the entire show.

But as a child who runs home to mom after getting hurt, I was relieved when I saw my mom all the way at the back of the theater. She was all smiles and couldn't believe I have pulled such a show in 4 days. Mom never expected me to have such responsibility in my life. I did a fashion show last summer, but it had only 1 segment; this Spring we had 3 segments with 2 costume changes---yes, the daredevil I am, always pushing my luck to the limit.

So now I feel a bit more relaxed as I am finishing this blog entry. Like I said earlier, I needed to get it off my chest.

Now if ever this Mr. and Mrs. X do come across my blog, please read: Mommy and daddy, I didn't write this to piss you off or take revenge. I wrote it because I am an avid supporter of art and performing, as what you have seen during your children's fashion show. Ke$ha's song is currently doing well on the Billboard Hitchart; let us appreciate her talent and the catchy beat of the song instead of the lyrics, as many of our generation does--we like the beat, we dig it--that's all! It's not like we follow what the music says, yea-uh, coz that's just uhmmm.. plain stupid.

Well to give credit to Mrs. X's comment, I am seriously going to take some time to sit down and choose the songs carefully without needing suggestions from my students... Hmmm, democracy isn't as beneficial as I thought it was. I am such a neophyte in the directing industry that I can't stand any minor slip-ups! LOL

I can't wait to get to the Philippines to hit the Fashion runway once again =)

super ready for the weekend!

This week has really served me the most tiring commitments of the year! Yeah, we're just wrapping up the 1st quarter of 2010, but hell yeah I am exhausted to pieces. =/

Before the week even started, I was already stressed out on the fact that I'd be leaving for the Philippines soon. It seemed like a never-ending discussion at home, as we were choosing between March 26, March 30, April 3, and April 8. We settled on April 3 and now I'm trying to gather everything I need to bring home and list down all the things I need to get done once I get there. I'm not sure how many weeks I'll be staying in Manila however, I am really aiming to the list done my first 2 weeks there---hope I'm not shooting the moon with my goal! Ha ha ha =)

My modeling class gave me a basket-full of 10 screaming girls. They were all over the stage left and right! I couldn't get angry at them or even tell them stop, coz that would've just caused me stress. I always tried to find the funniest thing that happened in class and laugh about it on my way home. Great tension buster, but yeah these 4 classes wiped me out to the core.

Today was the class' fashion show, thank goodness it's done! I was so nervous the girls would screw up during the show, trip and fall on the stage or stairs. God has been really good and didn't let that happen. He's GREAT!!! My girls were all very obdient and participative during the show. None of them cried or pulled each others' hairs out. I just wished that they could have been more cooperative backstage before the show. Anywayssssss, it's all done now. Alhamdulallah!

Tomorrow my parents and I are planning to go to Bahrain. Finally I could shake off the stress from this week, kick off my sandals, bury my feet in the sand, and just immerse myself in the beach. For sure there's gonna be handful of people, but I'm sure we'll manage. Can't wait to get there!!

I'll be posting pictures of the fashion show once they get to my email. Have a great weekend readers!!!

Hip Hip Horray for the Pacman!

I was watching Philippine news on TFC earlier and they featured highlights of the great hero's welcome in Manila yesterday afternoon. Manny Pacquiao has won many titles (7 or 8 boxing titles... I'm not quite sure) that has definitely placed Philippines under the spotlight and engraved in history.

I'm not much of a sports fan; I frown when my dad and brother watch ESPN with cans of beer, peanuts, and hotdogs in tow. Why don't they just get off their butts and workout so they could become like the athletes and not ride on other people's laurels (meaning: placing bets on sports players and winning)? Manny Pacquiao didn't sit on his ass all day long day-dreaming of becoming a world-famous boxer, instead he was in the gym all day long with hopes of making a name for himself -- which he did btw.

Honestly, I don't like watching Pacman's games; I think it's coz of all the angst and blood that transpires in the ring. I'd rather watch a cheerleading competition! Ha ha ha! But I do like knowing what happened after his fight. For me, it's inspiring to know that someone has done something great and was equally rewarded for it.

Pacman is a good example of how hardwork could actually get you somewhere; nobody needs to be an athlete to earn as much as he does, they just need to have the same amount of determination and love for what they do. Like, who knew this kid selling you donuts and ice water would eventually be the word's best boxer of all time??

What I'm trying to say here is that everyone should hold on to their dream no matter how big or small it is. They should never take no for answer and try every single possibility to achieve their goals. If someone quits halfway, it's like they've never done it.

There were times in my life when I just dropped learning to do certain things. I remember one time when my parents enrolled me in piano lessons and then bought me a guitar for Christmas. I hated waking up at 8 in the morning just to press some keys, I mean, why couldn't I do it at 4pm instead? What's worse was that, I never played anything more advanced than the Fur Elise. And the guitar that my parents got me, well.... it's sitting pretty on top my closet making friends with the dust.

When I look back at the missed opportunities in my life, I kinda wished I could turn back time and learn music more seriously. I felt like I didn't do anything coz I didn't actually finish anything. I was like a trained soldier who never went into battle.

I learned the importance of dedication when I entered the world of fashion. It was the first time my parents saw me wake up extra early, inspired to the bones, and working hard to meet expectations. Turst me, I didn't get my break easily... as a matter of fact, I first went to schools, then attended fashion shows, and joined auditions. My lucky break came after -what- 10 try-outs??? Ha ha ha! My first photoshoot wasn't served on a silver platter.

But yes, I was able to reap generous rewards afterward. Hardwork does pay off!!

So what I'm trying to say is here is that I can identify with the Pacman. Both of us worked so hard to become who we are today; we maybe at the frontpage of a magazine or just simply an idol of a 7 year old. But one thing remains in common, we never gave up on our dreams.

Likewise, we young adults should persevere in the profession and career path we've chosen. There's no thinking twice and no looking back. Have faith and someday all of our efforts are gonna pay off. There's no delivery stamp on our success, but trust me we'll notice it when it comes. We should pacquiao-in every opportunity that comes which we know could have us achieve our goals and dreams.

Amen! Ameen! =)

ego + mahinhin

I can't seem to find an English term that would exactly fit mahinhin. I used the Google language tools option and it gave me 'modes' as its direct translation and a list of 19 other words below it that could be used for mahinhin. I wish I could show a screen shot of the page, but being the great computer whiz I am, it would be better that you try out the process yourself.

Ha ha ha =)

Let's keep mahinhin in the title, okay? Today's topic is all about ego and mahinhin because of this present dilemma I'm trying to figure out. Yes, oo naman, it has something to do with lovelife---my most favorite topic ever!!! (after fashion, of course)

On the eve of Easter Sunday last year, I was crying pails and buckets over the end of my 16-month relationship with my boyfriend. Being the naive person I am, I always had the feeling that he was the perfect man for me. Like we'd raise our children together and live happily ever after.

Easter Sunday, Araw ng Pagkabuhay, taught me that my vision only remained true in fairytales. Ironic how on this day my life almost fell apart; not only was I suffering from a break-up but also a transition to a new life back in Saudi as I was getting on a plane 5pm that afternoon. Imagine the stress I went through as I tried to pack and fit my life in 30 kilos. It was a horrid ordeal that I never wished anyone go through.

But as God always promised sunshine after the rain, I met this interesting man on April 19, 2009. I went to my father's office and there he was, my knight in shining armor with stars and glitters all around. Gosh, why did I even think twice about moving back to Saudi??? It was like an omen telling me not to be so harsh about moving back here again (yeah, I've been living here since I was 3; so I live Saudi, eat Saudi, drink Saudi, and everything else Saudi--except for my nationality and some values) and that there are better and brighter things to look forward to.

A few weeks after we were introduced, I got up the courage to ask him to help me get employed. Being the dalagang Filipina that I am, I found it super difficult to ask him. Of course there are culture barriers and norms between us, but I told myself, "What the heck! I need to be employed asap." And in all fairness to him, I would like to think that he did his best to help to me. I didn't get any callbacks from the hospitals he told me he'd given my CV to, but it's okay--there's no point rubbing it in, right?

So yeah we remained in contact for some weeks, sending messages back and forth saying hi, but it never went any further than that. I don't know if it had something to do with the both of us being timid or the circumstances in the office (my dad is his boss)  or just one of us being brutally uninterested. There was even a time when we didn't have any contact for a couple months, which ended when I did see him walk past the Surgery Clinic's waiting area one afternoon.

Since then, we've been constantly communicating; much more than how we did before. And what struck me most was the last set of text messages we sent each other yesterday. Being the most unsuspecting and upfront person that I am, I wasn't really able to read all the words in his text message until later when I arrived home.

Background: I was interviewed last Wednesday in MDH and I was telling all my friends about it. These messages all happened just before and after the job interview. (MH=Mai Hua; KSA=Knight in Shining Armor not Kingdom of Saudi Arabia)

Wednesday night:
MH: Interview in 10 minutes..... Wish me luck sweeeeties! Update y'all later :D
KSA: Hope that you do well!! Wish you all the best!!!
MH:Done!! Now, I seriously don't know what to do. I'll tell you about it later, will you be around or heading out?

Saturday morning:
KSA: Good morning. Sorry I wasn't around. How was your interview and what did you choose?
MH: Heyy.. How are you? How was the weekend? Well I declined the offer since they couldn't guarantee an employment certificate two years after I work with them. Mafi faheeda (no benefit) for Aramco in the future.
KSA: Hii!! Wasn't bad how was yours?.. Ok, but at least its a job!! Aramco is not everything!!
MH: I went to the beach this weekend, water was cold but the sun was great! I think you forgot about MGH's offer, so I might go home April 3. :D
KSA: Okaa. Wish you a good luck :D

And that was the end of it! I dunno if you could call it a tragic death, but his last reply didn't sound right. And one of his messages only occurred to me after dinner at home. Why made him say, "Aramco is not everything!!" and how could I have missed such a sentence with huge meaning???

What made him say that? ...... and What did he mean????

I was so bugged by the comment that I had to go online. Thankfully two reliable friends were online. Here's a summary of their advice:
Friend A: Well, I guess he just wanted to keep you here, like you start working and all... Have a job and begin a future, it didn't matter if the target was Aramco or not, just the fact that you are here is what matters. Maybe he got sad when you said you're leaving soon, like all his efforts have gone to waste or something. He probably didn't understand that you were gonna come back.
Friend B: Maybe he said that Aramco isn't everything because he doesn't want to help you out anymore. He just couldn't tell you directly how he felt towards helping you. I mean like, when you talk to him it's always only about you being employed right? I guess he doesn't want to feel responsible for anything, and he didn't know how to say it in any other way...you know, the male ego!!??? 

Anybody in their right mind would advise me to ask him directly what he meant. But sorry folks, I'm too mahinhin or lady-like and unpretentious to do such a brave thing. Yeah I can ramp in front of hundreds of talent scouts but this one, asking a man what was on his mind, made me raise the white flag without even thinking twice!!

I swear it's so insane!

So now, I have a problem with miscommunication and the way a person view's me. It's funny thinking that he didn't really mean anything bad while I'm sitting here typing out this post so worried about what he meant. Inshallah this ego vs mahinhin situation is gonna end soon, but until then, its gonna be like this cartoon:

I really wish that God will give us an opportunity to talk and clarify this issue. Bless my friendship with KSA and I'll update once this haze clears up.

modeling 101

Today's the first modeling class for the Spring Fitkids Program 2010. I'm getting kinda nervous coz I haven't been struttin' it for the past couple of months. It's gonna be 9 kids... ages 7-11 years old--how bad could that be?

Anyway, I'll post again after this class. Wish me confidence =)

process of elimination

To obtain a Nursing career, a candidate must apply to an associate's or bachelor's degree, maintain the required GPA, graduate, and take exams for a license to practice what they have learned.  When reviewing for exams, we are taught techniques on how to find the correct answer--one of which is the process of elimination.

Two years ago, I always thought that the process of elimination only applied to options A-D written on the paper or flashed on the screen, everything else in life just required luck and fate. Modesty aside, I feel quite fortunate having almost everything within my arm's reach. My two previous employers hired me through referrals and I made sure that I never made them feel they made a wrong choice.

Now, back to the country where I grew up in (Saudi Arabia) I have experienced being unemployed for 11 months to be exact. My parents decided to withdraw me from the Philippines since, in their opinion, my life wasn't going anywhere. Well, for a 22 year old I felt that life was at its height, I was working, enrolled in graduate school, dancing, modeling, and hitting the beach almost every other weekend. What more can a young adult ask for?

My parents say, A STEADY career with a tangible future.

So as of Wednesday (March 17), I had two job offers at hand. One was as an Operating Room Nurse at MDH and the other one at MGH (I just don't know which unit yet). 

I prayed to God which offer to take as I seriously want to end this unemployment misery ASAP. The MDH offered me to start working today -yes, March 20-as they are currently having this huge shortage at the OR... BUT it is only temporary until they begin 2010 Nurse hiring in the Philippines. Hearing this made me feel like there wasn't any guarantee for my future. I would still need to go through the hiring process again a few months down the line.

As expected, I turned down their hefty and inticing offer for professionalism's sake (if that's how to put it). In my opinion, both parties-the hospital and applicant-need to win in this situation, and with their offer I just couldn't see my tangible future (as what my parents envisioned for me). I still feel pretty guilty about what I did since my qualifications don't have much to brag about, I mean who am I to turn down offers? But is it bad to think of self-gains as well?

The process of elimination has left me with one guaranteed job offer and another that's keeping me waiting at the wings. My dream hospital hasn't called me back for an interview yet and my friend is trying his best to follow-up my application.

Somehow, I am having this new sense of fulfillment by discerning on which choice to make, talking to people involved about my decision, and standing up for it--regardless of its consequences in the future.

Gee, I feel like an adult already! Can't wait to get started with MGH!

totally random

One of my resolutions for 2010 is to improve my writing skills. I think a blog would do a lot of help. But trust me, this is not my first blog. I always like starting one, but I don't have the enthusiasm to keep with its theme. This time, I guess it's gonna be just a fun mix of my thoughts and opinions.

Hope you become my follower, coz I'm telling ya, it's all gonna be about happiness and energy!